I need a hug.....and perfect love and perfect trust.
Currently listening to John Mayer's Heavier Things. How emo....This album and David Tao's Black Tangerine were the soundtracks of my life in the UK.
I miss that constant sense of melancholia listening to these songs, walking alone on the streets of London. Long black wool coat, warm beige sweater, in all weather, under a constant grey cloudy sky. Sipping Starbucks and eating Wagamama accompanied by a book, earplugs on, seemingly oblivious to the outside world. My melancholia occasionally punctuated by duck rice at Wong Kee, being served by 'rude' HK waiters with Jim.
Thinking back...it was a constant stream of walking, watching movies, the occasional play or musical, buying music, books and comics, afternoons spent at the Waterstone's at Piccadilly, having Ben and Jerry's with Jim, and more walking. By the end of it...I practically knew Leicester Square like the back of my hand. I kind of still do.
Those were........simpler times. In it's own small way happier. Comforting. I spent a lot of my time in London. Despite living in Farnham, a full 45 minutes by train away. It's actually I wonder I passed my course......
I miss London. Wish I had stayed. But I would have missed out on so much if I had. New people, new friends, new experiences. My life would have been different. Maybe that's why I'm a sucker for British boys.....ha.......whatever it is. These are the choices I made and this is where it has lead me. And you know what? I have no regrets. None at all. Much.
Sunday 29 April 2007
Final Chapter
It's over. Almost over. Two and a half years of college life is coming to a close. I finally have a piece of paper and validates my higher education existence. Tonight was the final night of Trojan Women, a production me, Tracy and Amalia put together in 5 weeks. The culmination of my, our time at DPA. Ahead of us is the final stretch. 10 weeks of industrial attachment then it's good bye higher education, hello rat race. And not a moment too soon. Not that I hate being at DPA....I don't...but it sure isn't what it used to be. But I digress. Yes ladies and gents this is going to be emo post.
Anyways....yes, it's almost over. Final inning. After this who knows? I'm sure the full magnitude of this change in my life hasn't hit me. I don't know if I'm sad or happy or...whatever that I'm graduating. I haven't even tried to secure that place in UK next year yet. I know I probably should. But I'm not sure if I want to study more...for now. I don't really know what I'm saying. Maybe I should take Tracy and Baki's stance on life....Take it as it comes. One step at a time. ...But it's kind of against my nature. I kind of need to know what I'm going to be doing. I want to know. I need that sense of security of a well made plan. Not that I plan my life down to the last detail. But just that I know where I'm going. Though it's not like I don't know where I'm heading. I have a pretty good idea what I wanna do and where.....but I don't know. There's this sense of.....security that comes with college life. The daily toil of waking up and going to college to learn. Now, you learn from the great school of life. The best university life has to offer.
Cliched I know. But true nonetheless.
Whatever it is.....I don't know. I'm tired. I need sleep. Perhaps I'll make more sense in the morning. All I do know is this........it's something I came across while I was searching for a nice 'goodbye' quote.....An old 'friend'........
May the road rise up to greet you,
And may the wind be always at your back.
- An Old Irish Blessing
Anyways....yes, it's almost over. Final inning. After this who knows? I'm sure the full magnitude of this change in my life hasn't hit me. I don't know if I'm sad or happy or...whatever that I'm graduating. I haven't even tried to secure that place in UK next year yet. I know I probably should. But I'm not sure if I want to study more...for now. I don't really know what I'm saying. Maybe I should take Tracy and Baki's stance on life....Take it as it comes. One step at a time. ...But it's kind of against my nature. I kind of need to know what I'm going to be doing. I want to know. I need that sense of security of a well made plan. Not that I plan my life down to the last detail. But just that I know where I'm going. Though it's not like I don't know where I'm heading. I have a pretty good idea what I wanna do and where.....but I don't know. There's this sense of.....security that comes with college life. The daily toil of waking up and going to college to learn. Now, you learn from the great school of life. The best university life has to offer.
Cliched I know. But true nonetheless.
Whatever it is.....I don't know. I'm tired. I need sleep. Perhaps I'll make more sense in the morning. All I do know is this........it's something I came across while I was searching for a nice 'goodbye' quote.....An old 'friend'........
May the road rise up to greet you,
And may the wind be always at your back.
- An Old Irish Blessing
Sunday 22 April 2007
Why don't you like me?
"Grace Kelly"
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?
I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!
How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why don't you like me
Why don't you like me
Why don't you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?
I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!
Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!
Propriety and Responsibility
I've been having a rather emotionally tumultuous couple of days, most as a result of my yanking my own chain. Thoughts of escape back to my melancholia utopia of London abound. The endless grey skies and string of John Mayer and David Tao beckon ever invitingly. The past couple of days have made me re-examine or actually just define the boys in my life.
My boys can basically, like all things, into categories.....
But anyways...back to the tittle.....
Propriety and Responsibility...them are big words are they not? They are and they seem most suited for what's been going through my mind.....
Went to watch Screwed and after the show, went to the mamak with some of the cast and crew, My youngest included. I could tell even at KLPac itself he was in a bad mood. But he seemed not to want to talk to me about it so I didn't press. When we got to the mamak, he sat down next tome. After having a lil' pow wow with his director/new best friend Kelvin. He seemed to be getting emo-er by the minute and the crew showing this clip of Nick falling asleep during the show didn't help. So the inevitable when Nick's in a bad mood happened, he blew up. At an Innocent bystander. Poor dude........Then Nick goes off with his new best friend....and that's that...
Okay...you know what....I guess what I'm trying to say is....that I miss being there for him..being the one he turns to when he needs help. But I guess it's partly my fault.....there was a period of time where I was trying to cut him out of my life. How fickle of me.....but that's the nature of women right? We are such fickle creatures.... But ultimately...Nick's got a place in my heart...as a lil' brother. He'll always have someone that'll believe in him and be supportive of him......
As for the tittle.....he's my youngest.......I'm staking a claim.......I leave the rest to your own devices.....
My boys can basically, like all things, into categories.....
- The Chapsticks......which in my lil' black book are getting to be a dime a dozen..Tho some are still closer than others...
- The Get-A-F*ing-Clues!.....the one in which you have got to go...Do I really have to club you over the head??!!!
- The Untouchables...for whatever reason, be it girlfriend....friendship.....past vows...whatever.....
- My Fags.......
- And finally my brothers...........
But anyways...back to the tittle.....
Propriety and Responsibility...them are big words are they not? They are and they seem most suited for what's been going through my mind.....
Went to watch Screwed and after the show, went to the mamak with some of the cast and crew, My youngest included. I could tell even at KLPac itself he was in a bad mood. But he seemed not to want to talk to me about it so I didn't press. When we got to the mamak, he sat down next tome. After having a lil' pow wow with his director/new best friend Kelvin. He seemed to be getting emo-er by the minute and the crew showing this clip of Nick falling asleep during the show didn't help. So the inevitable when Nick's in a bad mood happened, he blew up. At an Innocent bystander. Poor dude........Then Nick goes off with his new best friend....and that's that...
Okay...you know what....I guess what I'm trying to say is....that I miss being there for him..being the one he turns to when he needs help. But I guess it's partly my fault.....there was a period of time where I was trying to cut him out of my life. How fickle of me.....but that's the nature of women right? We are such fickle creatures.... But ultimately...Nick's got a place in my heart...as a lil' brother. He'll always have someone that'll believe in him and be supportive of him......
As for the tittle.....he's my youngest.......I'm staking a claim.......I leave the rest to your own devices.....
Wednesday 18 April 2007
VA Tech Shootings Part 2....
Like the shootings themselves...here's part 2.......sorry for the poetism.....it's my nature...
While trying to find out more about the shootings....I stumbled across these pages(pg1 pg2) on this site........read the comments.....they make me sick............
I'm all in favour of having your own opinion....and hey everyone's entitled.........but seriously......I know the site's obviously not 'liberal' or even 'democrat' but is this really how the 'conservatives' think? Really? Coz if it is....no wonder they're in trouble......
I find the idea of answering guns with more guns sickening.......
On pg2, a poster calling itself 'LibertarianHawk' says "Just goes to show that banning guns doesn't necessarily equate to banning violence."....I agree. But neither does making guns even more readily available.
Anyone who thinks that banning guns means violence stops is stupid. Violence doesn't come from guns. Guns are just a tool. Violence comes from the individual. Making guns more readily available makes it , yes, easier for someone to protect themselves....but it's a double-edged sword, it also makes it easier for someone to do this again. And then for another someone to do the same thing.......as long as they've never had a criminal record, right? But one time is all it takes. One time to take out innumerable lives. You don't need a criminal record to just snap and decide the world hates you or you hate the world. It just happens...okay.....I'm rambling on but you get what I'm getting at? More guns are not the solution.
I totally agree with poster Next93, again on pg2.....you can take a person down even when you're unarmed.....and besides...it's so much more cooler to say you risked life and limb unarmed than..."I wasted him with a metal slug thru his heart".......in my book anyways...and my book's written like Battle Royale.
The beautiful death.
Oxymoronic innit?
While trying to find out more about the shootings....I stumbled across these pages(pg1 pg2) on this site........read the comments.....they make me sick............
I'm all in favour of having your own opinion....and hey everyone's entitled.........but seriously......I know the site's obviously not 'liberal' or even 'democrat' but is this really how the 'conservatives' think? Really? Coz if it is....no wonder they're in trouble......
I find the idea of answering guns with more guns sickening.......
On pg2, a poster calling itself 'LibertarianHawk' says "Just goes to show that banning guns doesn't necessarily equate to banning violence."....I agree. But neither does making guns even more readily available.
Anyone who thinks that banning guns means violence stops is stupid. Violence doesn't come from guns. Guns are just a tool. Violence comes from the individual. Making guns more readily available makes it , yes, easier for someone to protect themselves....but it's a double-edged sword, it also makes it easier for someone to do this again. And then for another someone to do the same thing.......as long as they've never had a criminal record, right? But one time is all it takes. One time to take out innumerable lives. You don't need a criminal record to just snap and decide the world hates you or you hate the world. It just happens...okay.....I'm rambling on but you get what I'm getting at? More guns are not the solution.
I totally agree with poster Next93, again on pg2.....you can take a person down even when you're unarmed.....and besides...it's so much more cooler to say you risked life and limb unarmed than..."I wasted him with a metal slug thru his heart".......in my book anyways...and my book's written like Battle Royale.
The beautiful death.
Oxymoronic innit?
Virginia Tech Shootings...
I'm actually not gonna write about the shootings...... I'm actually gonna be telling you how I heard about it....i mean come on let's face it...if you wanted to hear about the shooting...you'd just google it no? but for those of you who don't use goggle due to conspiracy theory issues....here's a link....
I was driving to KL from Sunway on the NPE at like approximately 3-ish this afternoon. I was listening to 988 I think..it's either that or MY FM...but I wager it's 988 as that's my default. They did one of those news headlines thingy....and then I heard them mention about the shootings...not being that fluent in mandarin translations of US state names I was hoping that I could here more about it to suss out where the heck it had happened........they only stated that there was a shooting that killed 33 people and went on to say something on hairstyles.......thinking that they're perhaps giving you a heads-up on what news they were gonna broadcast I listened in...waiting to hear more about the shooting.......but guess what? This supposed news update just went on giving you tips about how to style your hair with everyday household products.......and ended the update there. After only one line about a shooting that took 33 peoples lives. Granted the shooting happened in the States....but does that make it any less news worthy to the rest of the world? To 988's listeners? Okay...perhaps I tuned into the news at a bad time.....perhaps they were rounding up the news......but somehow when they say "for further news listen in to the Sin Chew News Report at 6pm" I don't think I missed anything..........one line on a mass shooting that took 33 lives and oh........2 minutes on hairstyle tips.....you do the ethical, logical and moralistic math..........
I'm pissed off.
I was driving to KL from Sunway on the NPE at like approximately 3-ish this afternoon. I was listening to 988 I think..it's either that or MY FM...but I wager it's 988 as that's my default. They did one of those news headlines thingy....and then I heard them mention about the shootings...not being that fluent in mandarin translations of US state names I was hoping that I could here more about it to suss out where the heck it had happened........they only stated that there was a shooting that killed 33 people and went on to say something on hairstyles.......thinking that they're perhaps giving you a heads-up on what news they were gonna broadcast I listened in...waiting to hear more about the shooting.......but guess what? This supposed news update just went on giving you tips about how to style your hair with everyday household products.......and ended the update there. After only one line about a shooting that took 33 peoples lives. Granted the shooting happened in the States....but does that make it any less news worthy to the rest of the world? To 988's listeners? Okay...perhaps I tuned into the news at a bad time.....perhaps they were rounding up the news......but somehow when they say "for further news listen in to the Sin Chew News Report at 6pm" I don't think I missed anything..........one line on a mass shooting that took 33 lives and oh........2 minutes on hairstyle tips.....you do the ethical, logical and moralistic math..........
I'm pissed off.
Tuesday 17 April 2007
Driving me mad.......
What I absolutley hate on the road.....
People who don't bloody hell signal when they change lanes, turn or what ever...
Motorists......guys on bikes who think they're driving cars......stick to the left you idiots!
People who have no idea where the f**k they're going and drive straddling two lanes......eh dude, do the straddling at home okay?
People who slow down at accidents.........dei! you wanna be in an accident yourself, don't you? DRIVE ON YOU MOFOS!
People who think they can speed but take corners like grannies........boy, if you don't know how to speed.....don't f-ing cut into my speeding lane, leave the speeding to the grown-ups and get the hell outta my way!
People who don't let you cut in after you've been flashing your signal lights and slowing down or speeding up to avoid them.........you testing my patience??!!
My car's old and I've got another one at home.....you wanna mess with a lady driver with a mild death wish?!!
People who don't bloody hell signal when they change lanes, turn or what ever...
Motorists......guys on bikes who think they're driving cars......stick to the left you idiots!
People who have no idea where the f**k they're going and drive straddling two lanes......eh dude, do the straddling at home okay?
People who slow down at accidents.........dei! you wanna be in an accident yourself, don't you? DRIVE ON YOU MOFOS!
People who think they can speed but take corners like grannies........boy, if you don't know how to speed.....don't f-ing cut into my speeding lane, leave the speeding to the grown-ups and get the hell outta my way!
People who don't let you cut in after you've been flashing your signal lights and slowing down or speeding up to avoid them.........you testing my patience??!!
My car's old and I've got another one at home.....you wanna mess with a lady driver with a mild death wish?!!
Sunshine
Just came back from watching Sunshine....and Provoked actually but more on that later.....
I have to say....Cillian Murphy has really blue eyes!!
All I really have to say for the movie is that......it's surprisingly.........good.....stimulating...in a way..
Audio-wise....it's absolutely awesome....kudos to the sound guys man...I loved the sound, the soundscape really helped the movie and kind of turned an otherwise, perhaps normal sci=fi flick into something better..........visually....it's alright....all the CGI of the Sun....spectacular.........look wise....it's pretty much kind of like a big budget indie flick...hey...it's FoxSearchlight after all...
Now storywise........it's sound......but they really gotta work on character motivations here.......I mean, why were half of them doing what half of them were doing in the first place?? Reasons? Please??!!!
It must be said, Sunshine is quite like Event Horizon. Less gory and horror tho.......which is my cup of tea....was so scared they'd go all gore on me and I had to resort to closing my eyes for half the show......that whole Exorcist flash frame thing got me quite worried.......but actually in retrospect....what the heck was that all about??!!
Screw it! Just thinking about it is giving me the heebe-geebies.....
But I have to say...it was money quite well spent........
Oh...and I can't believe they let Michelle Yeoh live that long. And they had to put her in a Zen poselah.......jeez.........haha.....that's so mean.......oh and of course...it's Dato' Michelle Yeoh to you kid!!.....bah humbug! There are many more people who deserve titles..........
I have to say....Cillian Murphy has really blue eyes!!
All I really have to say for the movie is that......it's surprisingly.........good.....stimulating...in a way..
Audio-wise....it's absolutely awesome....kudos to the sound guys man...I loved the sound, the soundscape really helped the movie and kind of turned an otherwise, perhaps normal sci=fi flick into something better..........visually....it's alright....all the CGI of the Sun....spectacular.........look wise....it's pretty much kind of like a big budget indie flick...hey...it's FoxSearchlight after all...
Now storywise........it's sound......but they really gotta work on character motivations here.......I mean, why were half of them doing what half of them were doing in the first place?? Reasons? Please??!!!
It must be said, Sunshine is quite like Event Horizon. Less gory and horror tho.......which is my cup of tea....was so scared they'd go all gore on me and I had to resort to closing my eyes for half the show......that whole Exorcist flash frame thing got me quite worried.......but actually in retrospect....what the heck was that all about??!!
Screw it! Just thinking about it is giving me the heebe-geebies.....
But I have to say...it was money quite well spent........
Oh...and I can't believe they let Michelle Yeoh live that long. And they had to put her in a Zen poselah.......jeez.........haha.....that's so mean.......oh and of course...it's Dato' Michelle Yeoh to you kid!!.....bah humbug! There are many more people who deserve titles..........
Letters to an androgynous boy........
我 很 想 去 爱 你 , 可 是 还 未 认 识 你 。
我 想 去 呵 护 你 , 保 护 你 , 可 是 我 们 还 没 相 识 。
你 可 以 等 我 吗 ?
你 可 以 撑 到 我 来 到 你 身 边 吗 ?
请 说 你 可 以 ,
请 说 你 会 等 我 ,
请 你 默 认, 我 的 存 在 。
我 想 去 呵 护 你 , 保 护 你 , 可 是 我 们 还 没 相 识 。
你 可 以 等 我 吗 ?
你 可 以 撑 到 我 来 到 你 身 边 吗 ?
请 说 你 可 以 ,
请 说 你 会 等 我 ,
请 你 默 认, 我 的 存 在 。
Saturday 14 April 2007
Astrology 'r' Us...
The couch diviner and closet occultist in me couldn't resist looking for birth charts online to supplement my divination TV show.........so I've found this site which seems to provide rather spot on birth charts for free......
Marjorie Orr
Or....if you'd just rather a less complicated and equally as fulfilling zodiac description.....
Kelly's Star Signs
Plus I do recommend this book for the ladies....Can't wait for the one for the lads!
He's Just Not in the Stars
and here's the author's website, just for kicks....
Enjoy!
Marjorie Orr
Or....if you'd just rather a less complicated and equally as fulfilling zodiac description.....
Kelly's Star Signs
Plus I do recommend this book for the ladies....Can't wait for the one for the lads!
He's Just Not in the Stars
and here's the author's website, just for kicks....
Enjoy!
CocoFrogism.....
Went to watch Jit's show last night, Full of Jit....and Jit introduced a new word into my vocabulary.
CocoFrogism....
Now you'll be wondering to yourself. What the heck is cocofrogism? Simply put it's basically......katak di bawah tempurung. Frog underneath the coconut shell, for the Malay uninitiated. Coco- Frog- gedit?? Coconut........frog..........okay...that's a bit...yea.....haha.....when I first heard him say it during the second half of the show....it took me a while to get it...I actually thought he might actually have meant chocolate frogs! hahaha......how Harry Potter....
But no. As with all things Jit, it's his way of commenting on the social politics of our own beloved Malaysian Society......ahh, bless.......
Anyways.....the show.....It was entertaining as all things Jit are....but perhaps it was my lack of newspaper reading and keeping up of current affairs, but I found myself laughing less than I should have. Even Renee Choy (is that how you spell your last name, luv? I really don't know) or that Malay Dato' didn't illicit the hoped number of laughs from me. I don't know.....I'm sorry, but some of the jokes were a bit weak, perhaps I didn't know how to appreciate them......I don't know....if this were kakiseni......the flaming should be starting right about now.......but I found the show a bit lacking..thankfully I paid student price for it...don't get me wrong tho....I enjoyed myself.....unlike the SPGs I liked the bits with Jit retelling a little bit of his life story...tho I do wish it would have actually gone somewhere or arrived somewhere......it was all rather organic...I'm sure he doesn't do the same show twice.......as is the nature of ICT and Jit....
Anyways....that's just my two cents worth....it was a rewarding evening...COCOFROGISM!!!! What a fun word.....
CocoFrogism....
Now you'll be wondering to yourself. What the heck is cocofrogism? Simply put it's basically......katak di bawah tempurung. Frog underneath the coconut shell, for the Malay uninitiated. Coco- Frog- gedit?? Coconut........frog..........okay...that's a bit...yea.....haha.....when I first heard him say it during the second half of the show....it took me a while to get it...I actually thought he might actually have meant chocolate frogs! hahaha......how Harry Potter....
But no. As with all things Jit, it's his way of commenting on the social politics of our own beloved Malaysian Society......ahh, bless.......
Anyways.....the show.....It was entertaining as all things Jit are....but perhaps it was my lack of newspaper reading and keeping up of current affairs, but I found myself laughing less than I should have. Even Renee Choy (is that how you spell your last name, luv? I really don't know) or that Malay Dato' didn't illicit the hoped number of laughs from me. I don't know.....I'm sorry, but some of the jokes were a bit weak, perhaps I didn't know how to appreciate them......I don't know....if this were kakiseni......the flaming should be starting right about now.......but I found the show a bit lacking..thankfully I paid student price for it...don't get me wrong tho....I enjoyed myself.....unlike the SPGs I liked the bits with Jit retelling a little bit of his life story...tho I do wish it would have actually gone somewhere or arrived somewhere......it was all rather organic...I'm sure he doesn't do the same show twice.......as is the nature of ICT and Jit....
Anyways....that's just my two cents worth....it was a rewarding evening...COCOFROGISM!!!! What a fun word.....
Wednesday 11 April 2007
It's over..........
Oh my gosh...I've spoken sssoo much mandarin for the past couple of days...I was actually thinking in chinese..and was even contemplating writing today's blog in chinese!!! But thankfully for my audience whom I believe are most chinese illiterate or just can't read chinese fonts on their computer.......my brain has reformatted itself back into banana mode...haha....
Anyways..........gosh....it's been a hectic and absolutely mad couple of weeks.........first with the first round of Star Idol auditions then that semi-impromptu trip to Singapore.....then the second round of auditions yesterday and the Result Show today.......then I was worrying about what-if I got in.....how the heck am I suppose to break the news to the baba.........when I broke the news to Tracy and Amal, despite Baks telling me not to.....they seemed okay...they too were worried about the baba...then there was the Amazing Race audition tape I was suppose to do with Baks which is due in....oh.......3 DAYS now!!!!!!! F*** that!
Thankfully tho.....I didn't get through to the Top 20 of Star Idol.....and frankly..I only have myself to blame. I'll be the first to admit...I was not well prepared......they always said talent can only get you so far.........the rest of that 90% is sheer hard work and determination. It's gritting your teeth through blood sweat and tears. Besides....they were going to lock us up for 6 months!! and I have a show in 2 weeks!!! Yea right...those last two lines sound like a case of sour grapes....
And perhaps they are......but I have to say I was really relieved when I didn't get in.......none of my new found friends did either. And speaking of new found friends...I have to say....this is the first time I've ever made friends at a contest such as this...I'm usually the quiet outsider in the corner.......Is it that I've changed? Or are these people really friendly? Or....and this is going to sound cliched and philosophical.......have we been brought together by a common goal..and in the end a common disappointment and enemy? Are we all victims of a vicious system that doesn't realize and see our talent?? Hhahaha........that sound like a whole load of bs to me...haha.....but really.....I have never met people and then became friends with them...like this overnight......okay...to be absolutely frank.....perhaps being friends......it's still too soon to tell...only time will tell if we'll really remain so....but they are indeed a really fun bunch of people and I genuinely enjoy their company........I've added some of them to my Friendster list...and trust me...that's a big deal in my book...........I mean...people get deleted from my Friendster...I take that name quite seriously.....
Right....so I didn't get in. I really have to say, their lost. Perhaps I didn't do too well for my audition.....but there was quite a lot of talent that didn't get in either...which doesn't make me feel too bad.....I don't know what their benchmark is......bit it's obviously something us 'mere mortals' are unable to comprehend........my arse! but whatev...........I still have that movie with James.....I hopefully have that play with Gavin and even Richard.....I have my mates....I have new mates......I'll hopefully have Amazing Race Asia.........and I'm definitely going Taiwan at the end of the year.....and I'm definitely getting that PCD body thanks to Wai.......so yea.......things are bad at all....... ^_~
Anyways..........gosh....it's been a hectic and absolutely mad couple of weeks.........first with the first round of Star Idol auditions then that semi-impromptu trip to Singapore.....then the second round of auditions yesterday and the Result Show today.......then I was worrying about what-if I got in.....how the heck am I suppose to break the news to the baba.........when I broke the news to Tracy and Amal, despite Baks telling me not to.....they seemed okay...they too were worried about the baba...then there was the Amazing Race audition tape I was suppose to do with Baks which is due in....oh.......3 DAYS now!!!!!!! F*** that!
Thankfully tho.....I didn't get through to the Top 20 of Star Idol.....and frankly..I only have myself to blame. I'll be the first to admit...I was not well prepared......they always said talent can only get you so far.........the rest of that 90% is sheer hard work and determination. It's gritting your teeth through blood sweat and tears. Besides....they were going to lock us up for 6 months!! and I have a show in 2 weeks!!! Yea right...those last two lines sound like a case of sour grapes....
And perhaps they are......but I have to say I was really relieved when I didn't get in.......none of my new found friends did either. And speaking of new found friends...I have to say....this is the first time I've ever made friends at a contest such as this...I'm usually the quiet outsider in the corner.......Is it that I've changed? Or are these people really friendly? Or....and this is going to sound cliched and philosophical.......have we been brought together by a common goal..and in the end a common disappointment and enemy? Are we all victims of a vicious system that doesn't realize and see our talent?? Hhahaha........that sound like a whole load of bs to me...haha.....but really.....I have never met people and then became friends with them...like this overnight......okay...to be absolutely frank.....perhaps being friends......it's still too soon to tell...only time will tell if we'll really remain so....but they are indeed a really fun bunch of people and I genuinely enjoy their company........I've added some of them to my Friendster list...and trust me...that's a big deal in my book...........I mean...people get deleted from my Friendster...I take that name quite seriously.....
Right....so I didn't get in. I really have to say, their lost. Perhaps I didn't do too well for my audition.....but there was quite a lot of talent that didn't get in either...which doesn't make me feel too bad.....I don't know what their benchmark is......bit it's obviously something us 'mere mortals' are unable to comprehend........my arse! but whatev...........I still have that movie with James.....I hopefully have that play with Gavin and even Richard.....I have my mates....I have new mates......I'll hopefully have Amazing Race Asia.........and I'm definitely going Taiwan at the end of the year.....and I'm definitely getting that PCD body thanks to Wai.......so yea.......things are bad at all....... ^_~
Tuesday 3 April 2007
Obsessive much?
Check this out....some of you might have heard...some of you might have not.....
Andy Lau Fan's Father Commits Suicide
Seriously what is the world coming to man?
As a rabid fan girl myself......I have to say....this is freaky sh*t man....
As a future starlet......I have to say......dude, I just hope no one will be that obsessive about me....
Feel free to hit me back on this guys.......on anything actually....speak up lah!
Andy Lau Fan's Father Commits Suicide
Seriously what is the world coming to man?
As a rabid fan girl myself......I have to say....this is freaky sh*t man....
As a future starlet......I have to say......dude, I just hope no one will be that obsessive about me....
Feel free to hit me back on this guys.......on anything actually....speak up lah!
The Whirlwind Weekend....
This last weekend's been eventful to say the least...
It stared off wiht my pathetic plea to the heavens that I get into Star Idol Malaysia....I did....I'm in the Top 100 and they'll be whittling us down to Top 20 next Monday...damn.......I just broadcasted that over World Wide Web...do you know how that'll jinx my chances??!!! Who cares...it's in the bag.... ; P...confidence is a way of life.....embrace it.
"This will not be quick. You will not enjoy this. And I am not your queen."
Anyways....Star Idol Auditions.....I had to wait a painstaking 6 hours to get auditioned...by that time...I went on stage a nervous wreck...I'd missed my bus to Singapore which cost me, or to be more precise my mom, 80 bucks........I wasn't really all that prepared for the self introduction....the only thing I had going for me was my acting skills and that also didn't get off to a good start....but thank Hecate I got the script I wanted...and thank Hecate for the nerves...cause they came in mighty handy during my scene...I almost cried on stage due to despairfor f-ing up almost royally......and right at the moment my character was despairing......and me and my character just happened to be despairing over the same thing.......broken dreams.......that gets me every time......
You can never know how much it scares me not to be able to live my dreams..in even the most remotest sense...why do you think I do bit parts for free? Model for my friend Chris for next to nothing? Do backstage work? Help out my friends in theatre, TV and film? Am studying performing arts?! It's all aimed at one specific goal and dream in life. I would literally die if I couldn't live my dream....in even the most smallest and seemingly insignificant way. Helping others achieve that dream I might be denied of. That's why i help people out. People who are live me, have similar dreams.....but I digress......the weekend..
Well, after I got on stage...it was a quick self intro which I stuttered through coz heaven knows mandarin is no longer my first language......it was when I was a wee tiny lass....so much so that I cried first day of kindy cause everyone else spoke english and I didn't!! you wouldn't have know by speaking to me now...heck even I didn't till me dear ol' ma told me....bless her little heart for waiting for me at MINES all those 6 f-ing hours for like a 7 minute audition! I was in, on stage, and out like lightning.......then It was off to hunt for a bus to Singapore......I took a 9pm bus from the old train station and arrived in Singapore at 130am........bless me ma again for lettin' me charge that 80 dollar bus ticket to me credit card.....I swear....bless her heart.......Don't worry ma, you're gonna be a 星妈, like those of the old Hong Kong. It'll all be worth it.........you'll get to meet KangTa......yes, me ma thinks KangTa is cute...out of all the boys in the entertainment industry...she had to pick KangTa.......good taste tho....I have to say.....
Right....so I arrived at me favourite hotel, Hotel 1929, at 2 am...checked in and was finally able to rest....by that time, my eyeballs were screaming for a reprieve from my contact lenses and I was starving and knackered.......thankfully, I had the foresight to ta-pao the mee goreng from the bus! Haha.......
Okay...it's getting late....More on my weekend tomorrow......I've got some interesting insights to shed on Murakami's effect on my life........
It stared off wiht my pathetic plea to the heavens that I get into Star Idol Malaysia....I did....I'm in the Top 100 and they'll be whittling us down to Top 20 next Monday...damn.......I just broadcasted that over World Wide Web...do you know how that'll jinx my chances??!!! Who cares...it's in the bag.... ; P...confidence is a way of life.....embrace it.
"This will not be quick. You will not enjoy this. And I am not your queen."
Anyways....Star Idol Auditions.....I had to wait a painstaking 6 hours to get auditioned...by that time...I went on stage a nervous wreck...I'd missed my bus to Singapore which cost me, or to be more precise my mom, 80 bucks........I wasn't really all that prepared for the self introduction....the only thing I had going for me was my acting skills and that also didn't get off to a good start....but thank Hecate I got the script I wanted...and thank Hecate for the nerves...cause they came in mighty handy during my scene...I almost cried on stage due to despairfor f-ing up almost royally......and right at the moment my character was despairing......and me and my character just happened to be despairing over the same thing.......broken dreams.......that gets me every time......
You can never know how much it scares me not to be able to live my dreams..in even the most remotest sense...why do you think I do bit parts for free? Model for my friend Chris for next to nothing? Do backstage work? Help out my friends in theatre, TV and film? Am studying performing arts?! It's all aimed at one specific goal and dream in life. I would literally die if I couldn't live my dream....in even the most smallest and seemingly insignificant way. Helping others achieve that dream I might be denied of. That's why i help people out. People who are live me, have similar dreams.....but I digress......the weekend..
Well, after I got on stage...it was a quick self intro which I stuttered through coz heaven knows mandarin is no longer my first language......it was when I was a wee tiny lass....so much so that I cried first day of kindy cause everyone else spoke english and I didn't!! you wouldn't have know by speaking to me now...heck even I didn't till me dear ol' ma told me....bless her little heart for waiting for me at MINES all those 6 f-ing hours for like a 7 minute audition! I was in, on stage, and out like lightning.......then It was off to hunt for a bus to Singapore......I took a 9pm bus from the old train station and arrived in Singapore at 130am........bless me ma again for lettin' me charge that 80 dollar bus ticket to me credit card.....I swear....bless her heart.......Don't worry ma, you're gonna be a 星妈, like those of the old Hong Kong. It'll all be worth it.........you'll get to meet KangTa......yes, me ma thinks KangTa is cute...out of all the boys in the entertainment industry...she had to pick KangTa.......good taste tho....I have to say.....
Right....so I arrived at me favourite hotel, Hotel 1929, at 2 am...checked in and was finally able to rest....by that time, my eyeballs were screaming for a reprieve from my contact lenses and I was starving and knackered.......thankfully, I had the foresight to ta-pao the mee goreng from the bus! Haha.......
Okay...it's getting late....More on my weekend tomorrow......I've got some interesting insights to shed on Murakami's effect on my life........
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