New Chapter, New Beginnings

So. It's been about a week since I left good old Tanah Melayu. And today is Hari Merdeka, the day we Malaysian won our independence from the British and declared ourselves Malaysia. It was a time to rejoice. I wish I could say the same about me. I am happy that I am here, away from the mother land, the people that I love. I'm even to a certain extent, use to it. But with all new beginnings, there comes that uncertainty for the future. That feeling of immense lost that comes with moving on. It is a time for........a teething period. A period where things are up in the air and nothing seems quite right. I'm at a place where everything I'm used to is not at my finger tips. I am adrift.

But that's not to say that I want to go back. That would be easy. That is not what I want. I just want the familiar. I want that sense of belonging. That sense that everything is going to be alright.

Perhaps I just need to find my center. My groove in this.....not so strange place. Perhaps I just need to find my place here....in the grand scheme of things. I do not want to go back. I want to stay. I am not.......homesick.

Perhaps it is a bit early to talk of all this. Afterall, I haven't even met my classmates, classes haven't even started. Perhaps it is my inability to jump right into things as I would have liked. Maybe it's the suddenness of departure from home soil. Perhaps I'm just overwhelmed. Perhaps......

When I Grow Up

"When I Grow Up" - PCD



Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don’t care what they say
See, everytime you turn around
They scream your name

Now I've got a confession
When I was young I wanted attention
And I promised myself that I’d do anything
Anything at all for them to notice me

But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

They used to tell me I was silly
Until I popped up on the TV
I always wanted to be a superstar
And knew that singing songs would get me this far

But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see, when I was younger I would say

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

I see them staring at me
Oh I'm a trendsetter
Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better
You can talk about me
'Cause I'm a hot topic
I see you watching me, watching me, and I know you want it


When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

Parental?

Right so I was walking home from Aman Suria right...it's getting dark....I'm walking home in my space-cadet-Forest-Gump mode with my laptop bag and sling bag in tow, holding a carton of milk and a box of eggs I bought from Sevenies and once I reach a condo lobby.......a thought just struck me...I can't really remember what lead my mind to it....but this is the only thing that stuck......

The thought was.......I don't look much like a parent....or the ideals of what I think a parent would look like..... Not to say that I'ma lookin to be one any time soon...HELL NO! HEAVEN FORBID I SHOULD HAVE SPAWN(!!!) AT THIS TIME!.....but I just don't see myself fitting any form of the parent stereotype.....well, the good ones anyway......I don't look the part..... as strange and this will sound....I just don't think I'm........wait for it.......tall enough(!!?!!)

Really??!! Really......and I mean, I'm tall as tall gets for an Asian girl......heck perhaps even by some Western standards.... But I just don't see any lil' tykes looking up at me and saying "mommy"......I mean, "jie jie" maybe canlah....just "ma".......not quite. It's like I expect a parent.....to be like exponentially taller that their offspring or something...and something in the scale makeup of my body just doesn't seem right......it's like the proportions aren't right or something........it's strange and bizarre......

yuck.....enough talking about kids.....it's weirding me out..... ; P