NLD is dead to me....

I'm just been crying til my stomach hurts.....my emotions are so roiled up I can even begin to sleep......and i'm not sure i want to....but i have to coz I have work tomorrow...

RANT WARNING........Sums...you might not want to read this.....





Nick....WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!! You ask why can't we pay for your band too?? why can't Paolo Delfino chip in for the amps? Coz you have amps but don't want to use them....you think we're hiring them?? WE ARE FUCKING NOT! I asked my friend for a favour...I didn't even think they'd say yes...but they did and all they asked for in return was 2 amps and 3 mics and to bring in their photog.....EuGene even asked me if they'd be getting paid I said no...but they still said yes......I am broke now...and I still have to pay 1k for the prom coz i'm the only one who can afford to and I initially thought i could afford it(but not anymore) !!Go on your fucking ego trip...who the fuck do you think you are???? I believed in you...that's why I gave you so much leeway...but you DISSAPOINT ME......in my books Paolo Delfina is bigger than you...way bigger...I'm not to sure but I think people in the actual indie circle might actually know who they are.....so what if YOU haven't heard of them? Do you play at JamAsia? Have you played at No Black Tie? The Attic? Have you even performed at like songwriter circles, doppelgangers...(frankly I didn't even know about the last ones til recently...haha)......All you've performed at is Laundry..and you think that you've made it? Screw you....YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM. DEAL WITH IT. You say you have depression? Well guess what? I've been dealing with mine for the last gawd knows how many years.....you've had girlfriends who loved you...I've had nothing...no one but my fucking self.....you had SUMS for gawd sakes!! She's a real gem!!!! Even if it didn't last.....I'VE HAD FUCKING NOTHING....so sue me if I wanted to pay for Paolo Delfino...I like them...but i'm beginning to not like you...no I don't like you anymore....you suck....you made me bawl my eyes out til my stomach hurt....in a way then...you make me sick....I can't stop crying coz I don't know what to do.......you have Kelvin..you have Christine...you have that chick in Ozzie or whatever...I HAVE NOTHING!! FUCKING NOTHING/1!!!~!~!~ SINCE MY ASs HOLE OF AN EX-BOYFRIEND....SO SUE ME IF i WANTED TO MAKE MY OWN FUCKING PROM WHICH I'M FUNDING SPECIAL BY HAVING A RELATIVELY KNOWN INDIE BAND PERFORM...SUE ME IF I WANTED TO MAKE IT SPECIAL.....

I don't really know what to say anymore....except...WHy ever would J or anybody want damaged goods like me?

Rest assured Nick that now...since it's so bad of them to not chip in for amps...Paolo Delfino won't be using YOUR amps that YOU'RE renting....coz they won't be performing.....and since they won't be performing....there's no need for me to chip in for rental either...coz that was the only reason I was chipping in....you're on your own...just the way you like it no?

ps: zombie bassist - don't let this go to your head...

pps: I HATE people who make me feel bad about myself with a vengeance...so refer to blog title....