Somebody Else

The other night, during a late night mamak session, a friend ased me this question a friend had asked him, that he had given quite serious thought about and found very interesting.

The question was - If you could be any man and any woman in the world right now, who would you be?

My friend then proceeded to launch into his narrowed down choices of who he'd want to be. My reaction? I was a tinge angry to be honest. I really have no idea why. Aside from why the heck would you ask this sort of question? And why the heck would I want to be anyone else but me??

I do realise of course, that I have been and have entertained such questions in the past. I just don't know why it irked me so much at this juncture. Perhaps there was a part of me which was insecure about being asked this, unconfident with what I was doing with my life or perhaps lack thereof. Or perhaps a part of me was reacting to some undistinguished spark of smugness or something I unknowingly am somehow most likely unjustifiably receiving from my financial analyst friend. I don't know.

But seriously, as I sat there, I just found myself thinking.....who else would I want to be but myself? I mean...not that my life is like super fantastic at the moment or anything but it was just like...my life. All the choices that I have made til this point have lead me here....and I'm absolutely happy with all of them. No regrets. This is who I am.

And really, it's just a question.....I mean people ask it all the time don't they? These hypethetical questions......who would you like to meet living or dead, etc. Right? Don't they?

I really have no idea why at that particular moment in time, and even to a certain extent right now, I find it rude. Goddess only knows why.......It still cheeses me off a bit....and really I don't think I have a reason to.

I mean it's just a hypethetical question.

Right?

Note to self.....

Note to self.......try not to reject his invitation next time........

if there is a next time.......oh woe is me.....

but he always has crap timing!!

And so it is....

Right. So it's been yonks since my last real update.......

The simple wrap up would be: Back in KL, landed and just finished a Malay drama shoot, filmed short pilot with Boss-man, helping out with G&W, been hanging out a lot with techno entrepreneurs and have finally come to realise that.....I'm no longer suited to hanging out with young'uns.

Or so I think. I think it really depends on the person. Give me someone wise beyond their years, and humble too please, and we'll get on just fine. I just called someone childish....and got a look in return that said..and you would be? Which is true most of the time.......Oh I don't know. I jus suddenly feel wuite rotten for saying it......gawd knows....I am rotten tho. I mean don't get me wrong, I've got a mean rotten streak in me no questions about it. I suppose Chuck's not the only one in need of a "Beware my inner be-yatch" tee shirt.......

Soul Searching.....?

For the first time in my life....or perhaps not.....but for the first time that I can remember I want to go home to KL and do some soul searching......or perhaps just plain soul searching....

Perhaps it's the fact that I've been downloading US shows like crazy these past few weeks......or perhaps it's the city itself, tho I doubt it......but....lately, I've just been feeling this, disconnection with the city around me. Perhaps it's something telling me that this is not my home. Rarely have I ever felt this disconnected from the city around me. Perhaps only in Singapore towards the end of my stay there. Tho, I seriously feel that this city is not at fault. It's just me.

I suddenly can't see where I fit in here. or how. Yet there is so much here for me......or is there?

Being here.......has made me....Since I've been here.....I've had so many ideas for projects and things to do back home in KL.....it's almost like...where the f*ck were these ideas when I was back home? Perhaps it's that right now I have the time to cultivate these ideas, or perhaps this city is giving me all these inspirations?

I don't know. I suddenly feel this connection with western TV...again more than likely the affect of watching so many western TV shows lately....I have been lax in watching Taiwanese TV.....but how can I when the Ukrainian girls sit in front of the TV, hogging it while they do homework? The living room doesn't even feel like mine and more like theirs! It's like even if I do sit down, it's like I'm borrowing it from them or can only use it after they've gone to bed. Not exactly the kind of TV watching feeling I'd like to sit down to....especially after having my own TV for most of my overseas student life.......

Or perhaps all this just boils down to my insecurities. ChouStars didn't call me in for a interview, which is quite a blow to my ego. Perhaps it's just this revisiting of my insecurities in KL. I know I can act. I know I look good. But people don't see that. I'm not what they want. What they want are these gawd knows what kind of pretty face that can't act for peanuts. Why? Or is it that I'm not doing enough? I'll admit, that I don't promote myself enough. I don't whore myself out and go for every fucking audition out there. Should I? Even John Cho said that even if he went for auditions for things he didn't feel strongly about, he never ended up getting the parts anyways. Or does that sound like an excuse for me because hey, he's John Cho? And as much as I know you guys are being supportive, friends telling me to have faith and that I rock, doesn't really help. I do appreciate the encouragement, I really do.....but perhaps I'm just in my emo phase so please forgive me if I seem ungrateful.

If people don't give you work, make work for yourself. That's a rule I live by.....kind of, a rule I mean. I live by that. So perhaps the part of me that's emoing right now.....is frustrated that unlike when I'm at home in KL, here in Taipei, I'm powerless. And I haven't been powerless in a long time. I suppose it's a sobering experience for the soul. Let's it be knocked down a couple of notches. Or let's it be grateful for the people I have back home. The connections I've made, the people I rely on. My friends. My comrade in arms. My kindred spirits. Frankly I really don't know how we survive doing what we do. Perhaps it's our bourgeois background.......or perhaps it's just me. I love you all, you should know who you are.

XOXO........

This is our Youth

Alexa Chung.

The current UK 'it' girl. Young, 24, British Chinese, but doesn't look a lick of Asian. Successful TV presenter, fashion icon darling with a sweet rocker boyfriend to boot. Oh, the envy.

She's pissed off Pan!c at the Disco and lived to tell about it. What can't this girl do?

After initially finding out about this new british media darling, I swear, I had another episode of "gawd why was I born Malaysian?!" aka a serious case of envy. But then if life gives you lemons.....and also of course I read this article, published by UK's The Daily Telegraph. And I thoroughly changed my mind.

Though a part of me wonder what exactly was the reporter getting at writing this? Sure it does a wonderful job of covering Alexa and it's focus is undoubtedly more on Alexa as a fashion icon and personality. But does anyone else detect a slight sarky (am I even using the word correctly?) remark on Alexa's, and I suppose by extension or association today's youths', lack of concern for the state of the world today.

Like Alexa, I for one will admit to a lack of newpaper reading. Trust me, if it weren't because I had to read newspaper articles for class, I wouldn't even know we were in a near global recession....or is it just plain global now?....but still, the lack of concern is disconcerting.

I mean, can you imagine an entire generation of followers? Of people who don't know what's going on and just follow the crowd? Well, of course, not reading the papers doesn't mean that you'll be a folower...that's just me shooting my mouth off. But I mean really...even if you don't know how a reccession will affect lil' ol' you, and frankly I don't but I don't want anyone out there writing me a comment and telling me..I'll find out on my own thank you very much....but anyways....even if you don't exactly see how that'll affect you or if it's any concern of yours..should you...oh I don't know...perhaps even venture to find out? I know I will.......I really should finish my copy of Freakonomics.......

I don't know....perhaps I'm just ranting...but shouldn't the youth of today take charge of their own future or something? Not that of course there aren't youths doing that already....I've got tons of young activist friends at home. But I mean......how many of us just don't give a damn? A helluva lot I'm wagering.....and isn't that some cause of concern? That coupled with increased drinking and promiscuity it just sounds like the whole world's going to hell....or the Dark Ages......okay, perhaps the Dark Ages are a bit over dramatic.....the......oh lord, I don't even know my ages.....but you know what I mean...I hope. I mean, I'm sure it'll all be fun and all, but it's humanity and the earth of a time limit? I mean, if not enough of us know what do to soon......could we be reduced to a City of Ember?

Right, I'm really speakin out of my arse there......but you know what I mean, right?

Oh and frankly I don't think she'll all that pretty...in the same style category lookswise.....she's got nothing on Shannyn Sossamon.

Finally!!!! Money......

Gawd!! 21 days! Can you believe it? 21 f-ing days to clear a international bank draft??

So, I finally have my money. So I finally can begin......to live!

Jeez-us......do you know how it's like not to be able to just like start things off right off the bat and have to wait, and for a bloody long time almost a month!!!, to get the ball rolling??? Knowing full well that you don't have that much time to begin with!!! On a deadline people!!!!

Gawd....

But whatever it is...it's over. It's done. It's here.



ps: so...note to relocators...check if the country you relocate to readily accepts bank drafts......

AARRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what my problem is? I obsess......I obsess to the point of distraction....till I sometimes can't even sleep. Why is gawd's sweet name am I so hesitant about certain things? Just go up and talk to them! And if you don't.....STOP OBSESSING ABOUT IT.

I sometimes wish that my brain had this OFF switch or an AUTO-PILOT switch so I could get some bloody sleep!!!

HELP!

WTF

Was in the middle of a quest in GW just now....a freaking long wan somemore, the first in Cantha.....half way through and what the fuck happens?? The comp restarts itself on me.........I'm like....wait...I just got my ass owned in GW.....my health and mana level's are down by 58% but enough of my team is stil alive to keep on fighting the good fight and some dude who doesn't know his freaking comp number and decides to pull a fast one on the cyber caf decides to random my comp number?!!!!

Last time I play GW in a caf.......takes too much energy to calm the fuck down.

It Pours...

Not that I want to flaunt it into anyone's face....far from it...but it's just an observation on my life....

But everytime I get into a relationship.......the cherry blossoms come in full bloom and tons of other guys finally decide to get onto the "Let's ask Amelia out" bandwagon....and usually...painfully......sadly......a couple of days too late.....GET WIT THE PROGRAM! ACT FAST!

Perfect

What do I really need in life....

What's the question that's just popped into my head and I steeled myself for an obligatory "let's-try-and-keep-this-blog-alive" post while sorting thru what Grey's Anatomy picture to out on my Addicted to Grey's Anatomy box on my Facebook profile......

But really.....that is an existentialist like question...and we all know how much I love to sound like an intellectual.........

What do I really need in life......

Okay...perhaps need isn't really the best thing......coz...I mean.....it's really simple,,,straight forward.... everyone needs to be loved, a roof over their heads, and an endless suply of sustenance......

So okay....let me rephrase that for my, not to thinking person existentialist wanna be brain that it is....

What do I really want? In life......out of it......what do I really want.....

It'd be all just fine and dandy to say I want Someone.....but do I really? Why? Do I really want him? Just because he's tall, cute, smart, sarcastic, intellectual and wounded? Yes....wounded...it's like every anime/idol-drama fan's prereq for the guy of your dreams..get a clue...go watch Meteor Garden.... Just because I've developed this emotional connection based on the sparse amount of time I've spent with him? Just because he's was there and seemed to have wanted something of me? Just because I've someone how come I think of him as perfect?

What's Up With Me......

Right...so blogger friends have been complaining that I don't post as often as I should and have......well...only one person but what the hell.......so.....what's been going on in Amelia-dom?

Been making it a habit to drop by KLCC for lunch with the rat pack bunch every Friday now...and I find KLCC very very boring now...after just spending 2 Fridays there.......I mean...what else is there to do there? The shops are.....the same as those you'd find in 1U..and that's so much more loser....They do have Kino....but still.......Plus the drive there is actaully quiet insane....all the way for lunch? I am going loco.....

OH MY GAWD!!! DEAN FUJIOKA TATSUO IS IN THE BLOODY COUNTRY??!!!! WHERE THE FU*K IS HE??!!!!! I WANT TO SHAG HIM!!! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!! want proof? DEAN FUJIOKA TATSUO YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO KL AND TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE BLOODY STAYING!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!

And what is this about YiDa having shot a drama in Shanghai??!! What the?? In December 2005 somemore.......and I only read about it now on his blog.....YIDA!!! I WANNA SEE YOU ACT....well to see if you can act.....ooo!!!! here is it.....right.....a trip to my ori serial provider is in order then...........S&M Arcade here I come!!!

Okay....are you as bored as I am? I am....and slightly pissed off! Coz my friend just FFK-ed me a ride into KL.....I'm like HELLO!!! Now only you say...I know you were reluctant...but really!! After saying okay....STICK TO YOUR WORD MAN! Now I asked Justin to come already...you tell me you don't want to go liao! What is this??? If you'd told me earlier...I would have stayed in town!!! Gawd damnit Siang! You yang intro kawan-kawan anda pada aku...s'krang aku nak hang out dengan mereka......argh!!! Infuriating.......if you really didn't want to go....say so....atau not sure if you're really going pun!.....let people know that you might back out! Don't say okay...okay I'll come then finally say not going! I mean WHAT THE F**K?!!

But whatever........we'll see how it goes...maybe I'll just drive my ass back into KL......but driving is so tiring.......and I've driven so much already...and...and.......urgh.......YIN SHAO SIANG!!!!!!!!!

Stroking one's own ego....

My my....it would seem that my little blog is worthy of blog spamming........intellectual as this person may want to seem.....it's blog spamming all the same......

I did I little research whoever you are......and honey.....be a man...use a real name or at least one net identity....if you really have an opinion, do what everyone else is doing.....set up your own blog......and stop wanking off at other people's expense......you think writing comments to oneself in other people's blog is interesting is it? You've been doing this for at least a year.......do us all a favour and set up your own blog and stop spreading your seeds of dissent on other people's territory....or are you just trying to get everyone else in trouble you spineless tiny dicked asshole lover. Opps....I'm sorry...I broke decorum....but please excuse when I turn vindictive on someone who uses the derogatory word for penis in my comment section and finds it amusing......

Just some other sites you have spammed....
Flying Against Time
Malaysia Today
LowYat.net

You know what I think...and I can't believe I'm saying this....but if the ISA were to go after anybody....I'd hand them this dude on a silver platter....

Coz I mean the rest of us are just speaking our mind and doing things rationally....but this guy...I mean from his comments....is just spoiling for a fight....and warmongering....Now which is the bigger threat? People trying to chance the world one word at a time, or someone trying to cause civil unrest and racial upheaval. I like my quiet sedentary life thank you very much and do not look kindly at people who try and mess it up.....Yes, I have been programmed by Big Brother. I'll admit it.

Well well, ISA does come in handy afterall.....

And really.....what is your ass doing at a fluffy site like this???!!! You fluffy too? Oh wait there's goggle.....just out of curiosity.....did you go for the vigil last night? Are you even aware of what's happening? Do you even really care?

Okay, I really gotta start readin' the papers........

Someone once taught me...that you can tell how strong or was it developed.. a country or government is.......I'm so sorry K!!.....I think it was government....by how it.....controls it's people.....

A less mature and developed government controls it's people by force. A strong and developed one? Through the mind......An example of a developed one? Just look down south.

Why'd I bring this up? Well.....I had a rude awakening just a moment ago while browsing through my friend's Facebook account........coz right at this very moment, a brother of a mutual friend is currently sitting in a jail cell somewhere in Bukit Aman. For what crime? The oldest and most prominent crime in recent political history. He's being remanded under the OSA (Official Secrets Act). The crime of having sensitive information....apparently.

I say apparently coz from what I can glean.....and I'm still doing major catch-up here.....he may not even posses anything remotely sensitive.....But then again, when has that ever stopped our police? And through them.....the government? But of course......I may not have my facts straight...

You know what? David was right.....why look towards Hollywood for political thrillers? We only need to look in our own backyards. We live in a country with no real free speech. EVERYTHING is censored. Whether through self-censorship or otherwise. Everyone is afraid to speak their own minds OUT LOUD. We all think the same thing but just aren't balls enough to admit it.

Malaysia ranks 141 out of a list of 194 countries in regards to press freedom in 2006. Newspapers should be given the right to write anything, as long as it's substantiated I mean look at the US, countless people write slanderous articles and things about Bush and he's still in power! So why can't BN just let it be? Why do they feel threatened by what a few, okay perhaps a rather sizable but ultimately extremely niche section of society have to say? They'll probably never be able to sway the middle-Americans of Malaysia anyways! Coz I mean, PAS hasn't and they've been trying for years!!!

But I digress......I had a rude awakening. Though perhaps that is an exaggeration. I mean, I've always been aware that there is no such thing as freedom of expression in Malaysia. And how can you not with all these bloggers being detained in recent months. The last bastion of free speech in this country is being threatened and has been threatened for the past 5 years or so. But I suppose it's a case of, I didn't think it'd happen to me or someone I know. In truth, I don't know this person I only know his sister and his friend but you can tell about a person from the company he keeps right? And these are good people, so in extension so is he. And I suspect his only crime was being a little too vocal. But that's not a bad thing by a long shot......

I don't really know what to say really, but I think the situation pretty much speaks for itself, whatever your stance on the situation.

Now....if you really don't know what I'm talking about.....then check these out....

talk about paranoia! - Cheryl's blog (his sister)
jelas.info - Nat Tan's site
Malaysiakini's first article - only if you've got an account tho.....hey they need to make money too!
The Star's first 'article' - Okay...I'm disappointed...is this all??!!!
The Star's article on Nat's 4-day remand - Okay....a lil' better....
The Cicak's entry- youth-oriented website

These are just some sites i'm reading.....google Nathaniel Tan for more info....

But in closing.....just lemme say this.....




















and sign the petition.....I did.

NLD is dead to me....

I'm just been crying til my stomach hurts.....my emotions are so roiled up I can even begin to sleep......and i'm not sure i want to....but i have to coz I have work tomorrow...

RANT WARNING........Sums...you might not want to read this.....





Nick....WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!! You ask why can't we pay for your band too?? why can't Paolo Delfino chip in for the amps? Coz you have amps but don't want to use them....you think we're hiring them?? WE ARE FUCKING NOT! I asked my friend for a favour...I didn't even think they'd say yes...but they did and all they asked for in return was 2 amps and 3 mics and to bring in their photog.....EuGene even asked me if they'd be getting paid I said no...but they still said yes......I am broke now...and I still have to pay 1k for the prom coz i'm the only one who can afford to and I initially thought i could afford it(but not anymore) !!Go on your fucking ego trip...who the fuck do you think you are???? I believed in you...that's why I gave you so much leeway...but you DISSAPOINT ME......in my books Paolo Delfina is bigger than you...way bigger...I'm not to sure but I think people in the actual indie circle might actually know who they are.....so what if YOU haven't heard of them? Do you play at JamAsia? Have you played at No Black Tie? The Attic? Have you even performed at like songwriter circles, doppelgangers...(frankly I didn't even know about the last ones til recently...haha)......All you've performed at is Laundry..and you think that you've made it? Screw you....YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM. DEAL WITH IT. You say you have depression? Well guess what? I've been dealing with mine for the last gawd knows how many years.....you've had girlfriends who loved you...I've had nothing...no one but my fucking self.....you had SUMS for gawd sakes!! She's a real gem!!!! Even if it didn't last.....I'VE HAD FUCKING NOTHING....so sue me if I wanted to pay for Paolo Delfino...I like them...but i'm beginning to not like you...no I don't like you anymore....you suck....you made me bawl my eyes out til my stomach hurt....in a way then...you make me sick....I can't stop crying coz I don't know what to do.......you have Kelvin..you have Christine...you have that chick in Ozzie or whatever...I HAVE NOTHING!! FUCKING NOTHING/1!!!~!~!~ SINCE MY ASs HOLE OF AN EX-BOYFRIEND....SO SUE ME IF i WANTED TO MAKE MY OWN FUCKING PROM WHICH I'M FUNDING SPECIAL BY HAVING A RELATIVELY KNOWN INDIE BAND PERFORM...SUE ME IF I WANTED TO MAKE IT SPECIAL.....

I don't really know what to say anymore....except...WHy ever would J or anybody want damaged goods like me?

Rest assured Nick that now...since it's so bad of them to not chip in for amps...Paolo Delfino won't be using YOUR amps that YOU'RE renting....coz they won't be performing.....and since they won't be performing....there's no need for me to chip in for rental either...coz that was the only reason I was chipping in....you're on your own...just the way you like it no?

ps: zombie bassist - don't let this go to your head...

pps: I HATE people who make me feel bad about myself with a vengeance...so refer to blog title....

More than I can chew.....

I might be in over my head here.....

Faridah offered me the job of SM for Joanna's show, Enemy of the People. Unable to really turn her down...or even to demote myself to the position of ASM......I'm now the SM.....

I mulled over the idea of being SM for a cast of 20.....and frankly...I'm freaked....20 people is one venti sized order for lil' ol' me......

Ack...I don't really know what i'm ranting about....I'll just suck it in and do it...I always do anyways....I might die in the process....but I'll survive.....haha....

Lazy Days...

Gawd...I'm so lazy....I couldn't be bothered to right this stupid essay and these gawd awful journals to hand in to PT for the final module of the course. I get the whole memoirs angle...but really..I'm still too young for memoirs.......and I understand that they need something other than our presentation to gauge our performance and give us a grade on.......but doesn't she realise that it's kind of doing the same thing twice over? The essay and the journal...if both are written properly...are EXACTLY THE SAME THING!

Or perhaps I'm just plain lazy...and yes....i probably should have written my journals as we moved along during rehearsals and production.......but I was just so lazy......I had so many things on my plate!...the production...then came StarIdol....then Amazing Race Asia.......and I did quite a lot for the production okay? I did costumes, designed them anyway...but I got them drafted too! And I cut the materials...and to get them drafted I had to go to KL!.......I made 9 out of 17 mask for the backdrop screen......I downloaded some of the sound bites...not to mention ran over to Justin's house in the middle of the night to get the soundscape which we eventually did not use done......okay...writing it all down...it suddenly doesn't seem like much....but still......okay..perhaps...the end is...I'm a procrastinator by nature and I'm lazy.......I don't know....

Either way....I just think that all this homework for this module is stupid....oh....and I came up with ALL THE MONEY for the royalties.......all 350 ringgit........compared to Shape of Things it's tuppence I know...but still......and seriously.....if we really shouldn't be touching that precious 200 bucks....PT...keep the money, coz you obviously need it more than I do.....

But I digres.....I....am.....lazy......

But I shall persevere...........I shall finish this damned paper.........

VA Tech Shootings Part 2....

Like the shootings themselves...here's part 2.......sorry for the poetism.....it's my nature...

While trying to find out more about the shootings....I stumbled across these pages(pg1 pg2) on this site........read the comments.....they make me sick............

I'm all in favour of having your own opinion....and hey everyone's entitled.........but seriously......I know the site's obviously not 'liberal' or even 'democrat' but is this really how the 'conservatives' think? Really? Coz if it is....no wonder they're in trouble......

I find the idea of answering guns with more guns sickening.......

On pg2, a poster calling itself 'LibertarianHawk' says "Just goes to show that banning guns doesn't necessarily equate to banning violence."....I agree. But neither does making guns even more readily available.

Anyone who thinks that banning guns means violence stops is stupid. Violence doesn't come from guns. Guns are just a tool. Violence comes from the individual. Making guns more readily available makes it , yes, easier for someone to protect themselves....but it's a double-edged sword, it also makes it easier for someone to do this again. And then for another someone to do the same thing.......as long as they've never had a criminal record, right? But one time is all it takes. One time to take out innumerable lives. You don't need a criminal record to just snap and decide the world hates you or you hate the world. It just happens...okay.....I'm rambling on but you get what I'm getting at? More guns are not the solution.

I totally agree with poster Next93, again on pg2.....you can take a person down even when you're unarmed.....and besides...it's so much more cooler to say you risked life and limb unarmed than..."I wasted him with a metal slug thru his heart".......in my book anyways...and my book's written like Battle Royale.

The beautiful death.

Oxymoronic innit?

Virginia Tech Shootings...

I'm actually not gonna write about the shootings...... I'm actually gonna be telling you how I heard about it....i mean come on let's face it...if you wanted to hear about the shooting...you'd just google it no? but for those of you who don't use goggle due to conspiracy theory issues....here's a link....

I was driving to KL from Sunway on the NPE at like approximately 3-ish this afternoon. I was listening to 988 I think..it's either that or MY FM...but I wager it's 988 as that's my default. They did one of those news headlines thingy....and then I heard them mention about the shootings...not being that fluent in mandarin translations of US state names I was hoping that I could here more about it to suss out where the heck it had happened........they only stated that there was a shooting that killed 33 people and went on to say something on hairstyles.......thinking that they're perhaps giving you a heads-up on what news they were gonna broadcast I listened in...waiting to hear more about the shooting.......but guess what? This supposed news update just went on giving you tips about how to style your hair with everyday household products.......and ended the update there. After only one line about a shooting that took 33 peoples lives. Granted the shooting happened in the States....but does that make it any less news worthy to the rest of the world? To 988's listeners? Okay...perhaps I tuned into the news at a bad time.....perhaps they were rounding up the news......but somehow when they say "for further news listen in to the Sin Chew News Report at 6pm" I don't think I missed anything..........one line on a mass shooting that took 33 lives and oh........2 minutes on hairstyle tips.....you do the ethical, logical and moralistic math..........

I'm pissed off.

Driving me mad.......

What I absolutley hate on the road.....

People who don't bloody hell signal when they change lanes, turn or what ever...

Motorists......guys on bikes who think they're driving cars......stick to the left you idiots!

People who have no idea where the f**k they're going and drive straddling two lanes......eh dude, do the straddling at home okay?

People who slow down at accidents.........dei! you wanna be in an accident yourself, don't you? DRIVE ON YOU MOFOS!

People who think they can speed but take corners like grannies........boy, if you don't know how to speed.....don't f-ing cut into my speeding lane, leave the speeding to the grown-ups and get the hell outta my way!

People who don't let you cut in after you've been flashing your signal lights and slowing down or speeding up to avoid them.........you testing my patience??!!

My car's old and I've got another one at home.....you wanna mess with a lady driver with a mild death wish?!!

What is this feeling.......

What is this feeling?
So sudden and new?

I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you

My heart is reeling

My face is flushing

What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame
Does it have a name......

Yyyeeess...........lo- it's nerves........haha....gotcha musical buffs!

No I'm not quoting the number from Wicked....well not it's in entirety.......

But yes...I have this sudden feeling....and I think it's a serious case of the nerves....

Nerves why?

This Saturday and Sunday is the auditions for Star Idol 明星偶像....yet another Singaporean TV transplant thanks to the lovely people of Media Prima and MediaCorp Malaysia! .....who most recently brought you, the very well received other Singapore Reality Gameshow hit....绝对 Superstar! This time...it's for actors.......instead of the usual singers............so guess what I'll be doing bright and early this Saturday morning? Lining up with tons and tons of people...to audition for.....明星偶像.......to be the next.........明星偶像 of Malaysia! yay!

Okay......if you sense a bit of sarcasm on my part..........you're not wrong.......but why the sarcasm? I have no freakin' idea......

Actually I have an inkling.....and that inkling is what's been keeping me up at night and grouchy during the day........this inkling....is this didactic debate my two halves are having with themselves.......a part of me...really wants this, but both parts of me don't want to be tied down to NTV7 or Malaysia.........both parts of me want to go to Taiwan, but this is a very very good springboard plus there's always the money.....a part of me wants to do that movie for James.......a part of me wants to go for the Amazing Race........but what really keeps me up at night is............am I good enough? As much as it makes good TV....I don't wanna be one of those people on TV who cry when someone crushes their dreams.......true, I have a list.....a black one....but...it's TV, right there and I hear the judge, he's a bit of a bitch........So I'm in for a golly of a time.......

What am I suppose to do? Feel?? Someone hand me an oppurtunity on a silver platter........

Oh wait a minute, someone already has....James.........hhmm...........

But I want world domination damnit!